After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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