super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
