i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
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Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
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You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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