So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
