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There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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