I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
