I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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