He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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