I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
