Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize