maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
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hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
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Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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