Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
