i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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