If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
