i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
