You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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