i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
