you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
