Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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