I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
