I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We have started to decorate penises.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
