there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Boobs are out for the taking
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
