She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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