I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
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