so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
