I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize