you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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