we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I can feel your judgement through the phone
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
