He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
