At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize