I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
