so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
