i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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