my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
