just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I think your dad took our porno
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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