New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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