Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
