i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
