If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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