Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
