I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize