Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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