I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
