I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
