I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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