and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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