I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
