i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
