I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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