Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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