I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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