i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
