I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
