If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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