Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
