at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
