sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
