Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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