I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
