mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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