I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
