One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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