GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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