did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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