You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
His hands were made for my vagina.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
