I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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