dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
