I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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