Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
